Because sometimes passions fall short…(Breathe)

Stones,

So, I’m working on my second book. And it’s…draining, to say the least. When creating something, you put a piece of yourself inside of your work. Whether you are a photographer, painter, drawer, dancer, singer, writer, etc, we are all artist. Putting yourself out there is so ridiculously scary.  It’s like putting yourself on display for everyone to see. Because that’s exactly what we’re doing. It’s horrifying letting people in like that because who wants to be that vulnerable ever?

So why do we do it?

There is this thing inside of me,  inside of all of us. Our need to create. Our need to explore. Our need to test boundaries and open ourselves up to exposure and criticism. It’s doesn’t come from a sane place. It comes from a place of chaos and need that is suppose to make us sane. Or keep us that way, or something resembling sanity.

So, I will continue to write. Whether or not I place myself on display will still be up for debate. Or should I say whenever I decide to put myself back on display, is up for debate.  There’s still this need in me to express myself in a way that invites people to take pieces of me to examine. But the sooner this story is out of me, it will no longer “threatening the life it belongs to” (Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 am)).

So many cool points if you got that reference.

Until next we meet

Bleed and Exist,

S. Hollisway

Click here to pick up Scarred and Faceless

Previous Blog Post

Because sometimes self-care is needed…

Stones,

Pardon my may absences. Life is a bit overwhelming.  When things get rough I tend to push harder to try and get past it. The harder I try to push past this pain the worse things seem to get and it only once I am stumbling and rocking back and forth on the breaking point that I start to question my methods.

Why is it that self-care is always last on our list, even when we’re staring at the barrel of uncertainty and exhaustion? Why is it that we are last on our list of things to take care of? We give precedence to everything but ourselves. Why is that? What makes us put ourselves on the back burner?

When our car starts to go wrong we give it the once over to see what the source of the problem. When things are going rough in our lives we never give ourselves the once over. At least, I know I don’t. We as a whole, need to start taking better care of ourselves. We need to put ourselves first and take care of ourselves. Again, I know I do.

Here are self-care tips that I use when I feel burn out.

  1. Stop! I stop everything that I’m doing and take inventory as to how I’m feeling.
  2. Take a walk. I get moving and try to get outside to clear my head.
  3. Hug someone. Surround yourselves with those who love you and soak all of it in. Lean on each other.
  4. Journal. I write out my feelings that I dare not speak to anyone else. I get them out of my soul.
  5. Hydrate. The body functions better when it’s well hydrated.
  6. Listen to music. Listen to songs to life your mood or that will help the bad ones wash over you and then dissipate into nothingness.
  7. Bathe. Long hot showers and baths can work wonders on a wounded soul
  8. Exercise. I sweat out the anxiety and the bad feelings. I relish the rush of endorphins.
  9. Meditate. I try to focus on 10 minutes a day on my breathe. Longer on really bad days.
  10. Logic. I know that these feelings are only temporary and they can’t and don’t last forever.

I hope everything is okay with all of you. I hope you remember to always check in with yourself. Remember, YOU MATTER. The world is more beautiful with you in it.

Until we meet again stones,

Bleed and Exist

S. Hollisway

Broken Hearted Girl Chronicles Part 1

Stones,

So much has been going on lately. I’ve been absent, indifferent, and unmotivated. But just recently I was hit with a spark of inspiration and post a poem that’s been eating away at me for a while. It’s been so long since I’ve written anything. Let me know what you think.

 

Not My Place

It’s not my place

To ask you to stay

I mean

What can I really say?

Fact is

I’m not your actual kid

And what you did

And have already done

Is more than enough

A battle you’ve won

That wasn’t yours to fight

What she’s doing isn’t right

And it’s your right

To walk away

But I’m pleading with you

Dad
Please Stay

 

Until we speak again

Bleed and exist,

S. Hollisway

 

 

 

 

Because sometimes education doesn’t equal knowledge…

Stones,

 

We have been cheated and lied to. Education is for suckers! It’s all lies!

Okay, so maybe not that dramatic but almost partially close. Remember when we were forced to go to school and we were promised that we’d be prepared for the real world. Do you have any idea how pissed I was when I found out that it was all a lie? I should say lie because that would imply deliberate intentional deception. As much as we’d hate to admit it although we don’t learn until we are older, teachers are people too. They also aren’t all evil. However, we were dangerously and largely misguided and misinformed.

School does not prepare you for the real world. Don’t get me wrong, it makes you a semi-functioning and competent human being on a basic level. But it doesn’t prepare you for life and all things adulthood. There’s no class for taxes, or housekeeping, or how to budget 101. We all know that should be a necessary requirement to graduate. It educates on various topics and subjects, yes, but we have no real knowledge.

School prepare you for college (barely) but now how to be an adult. I suppose we are supposed to learn that in college, but what if we don’t go to college?

Let’s break it down even further.

The real world is the Amazon Rainforest. High school is basic training on how to survive. It’s basically a series of possible scenarios that never end up happening and we don’t really have to know. Then, for graduation, you get a very dull knife (Diploma). While great to have, sometimes it’s useful, other times not so much.The only way to upgrade to an advanced pack of tools to enroll in extensive training (College). Once you finish the extensive training and receive the advance pack of tools, you want to travel in the safety of numbers on expeditions (getting a job). Although you have the gear, they only want to take those on expeditions that have experience being on expeditions (companies wanting to hire only people with experience).

In other words, we are so screwed.

There was no point to this post but to rant about the neverending time warp of craziness of the backward expectations set on us by society.

Until next we meet

Bleed and Exist,

S, Hollisway

Because sometimes the sound of trust breaking is the saddest sound ever….

Stones,

Trust is such a fragile and beautiful thing. Seeing trust grow is like watching a rose bush bloom. When it’s broken, it shatters into millions of the sharpest glass in the entire universe. There is no fixing it. Any attempts leave millions of tiny cuts on the hands of the Trying, the fingers of the Hopeful, and wrist of the Desperate.  Even if you can suffer through all the pain and physical and emotional pain to piece the glass together, it will never be the same. The cracks with always be constant reminders of the pain, what once was, and what can never be achieved again. So why are we cut up from out fingertips to out elbows and wrist trying to piece together what we didn’t break in the first place? What is this urge to fix what’s been broken or whose been broken when the responsibility isn’t ours?

The issue is this, there is a very thin line between overprotection and coddling, neglect, and just right. Overprotection and coddling can lead to glass cuts so deep all the way to the shoulders. There is no way we can be the one to rebuild the trust when we haven’t done wrong or broken it. It’s toxic. It leaves us taking responsibility for someone else and doesn’t help them at all.

Neglect isn’t the way to go either. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to indulge someone who has broken your trust. You have every right to end the relationships right then and there. However, if you are done you have the responsibility to inform the other person. Don’t have them waist deep in cuts in the glass when you have no intention of continuing the relationship. That is cruel.

The “Just Right” approach is what works but there is a very thin line to get there. If you both honestly and truly are committed to rebuilding the relationship, let the betrayer piece together the glass while you work on the frame. Of course, you will still see the cracks, but if it’s worth it, work it.

Until next we meet

Bleed and Exist,

S.Hollisway

 

Pick up Scarred and Faceless  

Previous Blog Post Here

 

Because sometimes trauma is commonplaced…

Stones,

Another shooting.

Another pointless shooting that has shaken the US to its core.

And why?

This isn’t a case of mentally ill or not.

It’s a matter of why?

17 lives lost. Why?

Another suicide.

Another broken heart that couldn’t mend itself due to bullying.

This isn’t a matter of whose at fault. This isn’t a moral issue about if suicide is justified or selfish.

Why?

For me, this is just a constant reminder that I am not in control of anything. It reminds me of how prevalent pain is. It reminds me how important it is to hug my loved ones while I can. It reminds me how frail and fleeting life really. It opens the doors to a whole of revelations about the frailty of existence.

But who does that help? It doesn’t cure a broken-hearted helpless family. It doesn’t bring back 18 innocent lives.

A ripple effects. Countless lives destroyed.

Why?

 

Until Next Time

Bleed and Exist,

S.Hollisway

 

P.S. Coming from someone who has had her share of mental health issues and suicide attempts: If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts call 1-800-273-8255

 

Because sometimes explanations are owed+ Updates+Contest

Stones,

 

Well, it’s been quite a while since we last spoke. Things have been…predictably yet unpredictably insane. I’d have to put it into a book to fully explain the insanity in full. Actually, it would take quite a few books to capture it in its entirety.

But I digress…

But blogging makes me happy and in an effort to focus on things that make me happy, I will continue to blog on a more regular basis. I want to start blogging every  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I did finally learn you can schedule posts, so I can post things and decided when they are posted which is cool.

So here is what’s been happening that I can tell you about.

I am working toward starting a business, and I’m working on two new projects at the moment scheduled for release early next year. I am also currently hosting a contest for the book trailer for Scarred and Faceless.

If you haven’t picked up this Gem up, just click the link above.

So, the CONTEST…

I want to do the book trailer with the voices of people reading the poems from the book. There would be 13 winners, one for each poem of the book. The winners will be featured in the trailer and will receive a free copy of my upcoming book, “Taystee Jones: Undercover Lover.”

Here’s how to enter:

  1. Must follow my twitter and like my facebook page, S.Hollisway
  2. Must be over the age of 18
  3. Must send audio file to Shollisway@gmail.com
  4. Must label audio file the following: First and Last Initial_Title of Poem i.e SH_Bully
  5. Must sign waiver giving permission to use voice
  6. Must have fun

I think that’s it for today folks.

Until next we meet Stones

Bleed and Exist,

S. Hollisway

Because sometimes it’s too much….

Stones,

Let’s admit it, as exciting as life can be it’s exhausting. Good times or bad, life has a way of draining the life out of us. It’s inevitable, so what can we do to ease the pain? We could commit ourselves to institution for safe keeping, (ill advised). We could live recklessly embracing life with no worry of tomorrow, (also ill advised). Or we could do something even scarier, live for ourselves.

I know we all may be thinking that we do live for ourselves already, but stop and think. When we sign up for that extra math class we hate or eat that salad instead of steak or use the fat free low calorie yogurt instead of the regular kind, who are we living for? Are we happy with our decisions?

We know our families and friends mean well but the best thing about advice is it’s like a buffet, we can take what we need and leave the rest at the table. They may mean well but we know ourselves. We know what we need and what will make us happy. And what won’t.

If the issue is deeper, like someone said something years ago that hurts you and changed your perspective on things. For example, someone said you don’t look good in yellow so you always stick to black. Or someone made a “harmless” comment about your weight that you haven’t healed from. Things like that are difficult to get over because the little seeds of hatred and self doubt start to grow roots. The rooms take him hold and grow into withering plants of self hatred. I know that it can get hard to get rid of. But right here right now, it’s time to let go.

Sounds impossible right, imagine this: Imagine going to that plant everyday and digging off one root up each day. Just one. One root. Imagine the roots don’t grow back after being pulled. Now if you did this every day, soon the plant would be powerless. That’s what we should do. Debulk one myth everyday. This myth could be one we’ve been told or one we tell ourselves. I say “myth” because although they feel like truths clingling to our skins, they aren’t.

I’m ugly. I’m fat. I’m not good enough.

So what will be your new truth? Will you debulk your plant of doubt?

Until next we meet

Bleed and Exist,

S. Hollisway

Be sure to pick up your copy of Scarred and Faceless

Because sometimes being selfish is okay….

Stones,

Would you describe yourself as selfish? How many times have you been called selfish? What was the immediate reaction, to defend yourself? Why?

Who says being selfish is a bad thing? I’m not convinced. See, the definition of selfish is *”concerned chiefly with one’s own profit or pleasure”. So, what’s wrong with that?

Admittedly, being over selfish is not good, much like everything else in life in excess. But being concerned with one’s own pleasure isn’t called being selfish. It’s called self preservation.

Taking time to do self care isn’t selfish. Taking to time to rejuvenate isn’t selfish. Replenishing and putting onself first to keep going the next day isn’t selfish. Running out of a burning building before everyone else isn’t selfish. And if it is, then be a bit more selfish.

Be selfish with your time. Be selfish with your energy. Be selfish with tears. Be selfish with emotions. Be okay before giving to anyone else. Be selfish for your own well being. Be selfish and save yourself, then the rest of the world.

Until we meet again

Bleed and Exist,

S. Hollisway

Scarred and Faceless

Because sometimes business meetings are everyday….

Stones,

This morning I woke up with the fear of presenting a business plan to a bank for a loan for a business venture. I woke up early, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and twisted out my hair. In the process of all the hair fluffing and talking myself up in the mirror, I began thought about what outfit would make me feel the most confident. I picked a black dress with grey accents with pockets because a dress with pockets is the gift that keeps giving. Suddenly, I got a phone call rescheduling my meeting. It felt like someone had deflated my balloon and emptied my bucket.

I plopped down on the bed disappointed. I had done all these things to make myself feel beautiful and confident and it had gone to waste. Although, it really had not.

I felt very good about my appearance and the way I looked. I got up early enough to not rush and could pick out my look for the day. I had enough time to recite my affirmations to build and inner glow I took with me all day. I got dressed and had a much more productive day.

I say all that, to say this. If you or I or everyone woke up every morning like it they were preparing for a business meeting, there may be a change in mindset. Not a business meeting you are frazzled and stressed out about, but one you are prepared for. One that you own and fills your stomach with butterflies of happiness and excitement. Dress for a business meeting everyday. Then go out and make yourself proud.

Until next we meet

Bleed and Exist,

S. Hollisway

Scarred and Faceless