Because sometimes Odes are due (Part 2)…

Stones,

This will be my second post in a row which is great momentum to start and hopefully, I can continue it. I don’t know if any of you remember my original Odes post. I will link it here. It was all about my son who will be 4 soon and about how much I wanted to be better for him. Well it’s been quite a while since that post and I’m still not where I want to me but I am one step closer. He will always be my driving force.

I am learning, however, that I shouldn’t put that much pressure on his mere existence. It has to be my choice and my decision. But it’s always good to have people in your corner cheering you on. Oscar will always have a permanent space on my bleachers. I’m learning to accept that that’s okay. I’m learning that I have other cheerleaders and that is also okay.

My little sister is one of my biggest cheerleaders.

Kyesha

Background information, I am the oldest of 5 children and the middle of 11 I believe. My sister and I who share the same mother and father were really close when I was younger. Even though I was older she was always the protector. We kind of grew about when she became a “cool girl” which was through no real fault of her own. We had rough patches like sisters do but she was always there. She went through a lot, from having children at a young age to supporting a child who spent a year and a half confined to the hospital after having multiple surgeries, to tragically losing the father of her oldest two children. She healed and now she has 5 beautiful children and is an amazing mother.

She’s always been the “mom” sibling. Before we got a “real” adult, we go to her for advice, a reality check, and support. Even with 5 kids, she seems to have a neverending supply. I love her so much and one of the reasons I exist is to make her proud of me. She has earned a seat in the bleachers of my life.

My third cheerleader is one of my best friends in the entire world. She is a fireball.

Alissa

Background information: We met at a place where minds and bodies go to relax and heal. We bonded immediately which is rare because I don’t typically get along with females and neither does she. But we bonded as quick as Meredith and Cristina did in Shondaland. For the longest time, I never knew the benefits of having female relationships. They never seemed genuine instead full of relational aggression. She is the exception. She is wonderful in every way. She loves just like me; hard, passionate, and unconditionally. If you are lucky enough to crash into her you become overwhelmed by her “halo” for lack of a better term. She is kind, warm and supportive but will tear your throat out if need be. She will have your back in the worst times and reign a vicious reality check on you when it’s needed. The best of both worlds.

She has done her very best to keep me afloat. I want to do everything I can to make her proud and pay her back for all her kindness with spades.

These are my cheerleaders for now and I hope to see my cheer section keep growing. I love this and I love accepting support and love for those closest to me. I will no longer be held down by who I used to be. It would have been easier to write a poem but sometimes words need to be written out.

Pain didn’t change me, I changed my pain.

-Icon for Hire “Demons”

Until next we meet,

S.Hollisway

Because sometimes it’s good to break the mold…

Stones,

I have been gone. I apologize for that. I know consistency is important and doing what you say you’re going to do is important. However, I can’t pour from an empty cup. I can’t write under duress and constraint. Well, I can but I can’t write well so, I’d rather disappear then produce crap. I am doing better now I hope you stick with me through this process.

So here are the thoughts that plague my mind.

Why do people feel the need to fit into a predesigned mold that doesn’t fit them to chase after success?

Here is the backstory. Because I have issues with consistency and sometimes have issues writing I have been looking up those generic “how to create popular blogs” and “Popular blog posts” type articles and videos. I got a bunch of the same generic, one size fits all type information. Then, I downloaded a PDF of 8,000+ blog ideas. Let me say first of all that these were not bad ideas. They just weren’t what I’m about. They were about writing blogs about food, crafts, how-tos, DIY’s, things of that nature. This is great for creative people, for mom bloggers, for people who have that audience. As much as I would like the popularity that comes with those topics, that’s unfortunately not where I am. I am not of the bright and shiny collective. I am more of the “cynical hopeless romantic” variety. That’s okay. Blogging, like America, should be a melting pot.

I say that to say this.

I would like to be a very popular and successful writer and author. I can’t however, sacrifice my voice or my identity for the sake of possible success. That’s just not me that’s anyone. I see it day in and day out. Talented people who sacrifice their individuality for a quick buck. Some call it “selling out”. I call it “giving in”. Some people don’t have the strength to stay true to themselves and sadly it’s soul-crushing to settle.

I’m no expert. I don’t have all or any answers really. I can’t offer any “fix it” advice. The only thing I can offer is perspective. I can offer ideas. I’d much rather exist as me tap dancing on the lines of obscurity, then a fabulous life in the spotlight that doesn’t coincide with my values. Think about it; who’s a better you than you?

Until next we meet,

S. Hollisway

Because sometimes I wonder…

Stones,

I wonder

What makes a person good? What makes a person bad? I personally don’t believe people are good or bad, but multifaceted. Everyone can have “good” and “bad” traits but people are made up of so much more than that.

There are strengths, weaknesses, fears, defenses, intelligence, people are made up of so much. I suppose it would be remiss not to mention what has planted in my head.

I know a man who has an interesting temperament. To those who he deems worthy he is a very protective, compassionate, and respectful human being you would ever meet. Society tells us to offer respect to everyone we meet, especially if they are people of authority. He does neither. If you aren’t worthy of respect to him, you won’t get it. He is very skeptical of others’ intentions, especially to the people he loves. So clearly, he needs therapy.

Kidding of course, because who am I to judge? Although I do advocate for therapy for everyone.

However, when discussing his behavior with another friend of mine, she mentioned that his behavior sent up a bunch of “red flags”. She deemed him “bad news” because his behavior was irregular to her. This got me thinking.

Is he bad because his behavior is not what society deems acceptable or is he actually bad? If he’s respectful or caring to those that matter to him and not to others, is that bad? Is he all bad? Is it bad not to indulge in societal pleasantries that are just facades that we all play into? Are we only bad when we don’t do what society wants to do?

I have bounced back and forth for the last few days. I’m thinking that there has to be a happy middle ground. Blatant disregard for human life is worrisome. It’s actually one of the hallmarks of a psychopath. But defending, loving, and protecting whom and what they love fiercely and with their lives is on the opposite end of the spectrum. So while not psychopathic there is a potential for some kind of personality disorder there. Moreover, if it’s not considered breaking a law, (and lawful doesn’t always mean moral so that depends), then there is nothing wrong with not conforming to society’s norms. It might make people uncomfortable, but who’s to say the norms shouldn’t be shaken up?

So here is my call to action…

Can you distinguish between psychopathic tendencies and a breaker of societal norms? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next we meet,

S.Hollisway