So… I’ve returned!


So, two weeks ago I got surgery on my knee. It sucks and I’m sore and the pain pills make everything go wibbly wobbly. But I think I’ve been reinspired back to writing.  I’ve been writing more poems, mostly in my head but a few on paper. I’ve also been hobbling along trying to take care of my bouncing monster on one leg. My son really is the light of my life.

So, I’ve learned quite a few important things in the last few weeks. One thing that really hit me smack dab in the face, that I feel like does this about twice a year is that perfection doesn’t exist.  Now because this hits me really hard about twice a year it’s not for lack of a better term a new concept to me. It’s just something that I struggle with and sometimes oh to frequently becomes overwhelming. Even worse, I get into this place where I feel like can’t do anything because it’s not perfect. I can’t finish anything because it isn’t perfect.  Then I can’t start, finish, or fix anything because the conditions are perfect.

I tend to get stuck in this cycle that while knowing and understanding perfection is not obtainable, my never-ending quest for it leaves me petrified and paralyzed to move. When I actually do decide to start over, it always has to be at the beginning. or either a week, month, year. If I can actually convince myself, to shake off this immense feeling of dread it’s a disaster.  I feel like I’m struggling and playing catch up and it’s impossible.

So, I’m struggling to get out of this perfection phase.  It feels impossible. But what I can tell you is that no matter how far gone you are, don’t attempt to play catch up. Just start over, I promise the world won’t end.

Until next we meet

Bleed and Exist,

S. Hollisway

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