I am feeling incredibly ill today. Luckily, I work from home so there’s not too much strain on me. Just trying to meet deadlines. It’s so much work, but it’s worth it. So right now I’m tackling three projects.
The first is my blog, that is still under construction. If I’m being completely honest, I have no idea how to make this blog do what I want it to do. I want it to bring in sales. I want it to be cool and edgy. I also need to develop a community that shares interest and talks to each other about reading and writing and different books and my work as well because I need all the critiques I can get.
The second one is my trying to get my book published. I might go with a real publisher this time or I might have to go with self-publishing and pay for better marketing. Marketing is a personal enemy of mine. I don’t get it and I’m not a very sociable person. I don’t quite know how to show myself friendly. This is why I’m a writer to avoid these things. But I still have to learn to make myself marketable.
The third and last project I’m working is the business that I am opening up. It’s called Hollisway Comforts and it pays homage to my father in the name. It’s a business that I started with my fiance’ and I will sell handmade crocheted goods. Because I crochet all the items myself, it’s a slow process but it’s worth it.
So are the three things that plague me at the moment, that being sick will not help at all. Not to mention being a mother and being a soon-to-be-wife. I have a lot on my plate. But I believe I can do it. That’s all for today.
Until next we meet
Bleed and exist,
Pick up Scarred and Faceless
This is a poem I wrote for my son.
Until next we meet
Bleed and Exist,
Ode to Mommy’s Monster
For you, I’ll face a thousand demons
Battle any inconvenience
Every wound and scar
Because it’s you that owns Mommy’s heart
And I hate to see you cry
It rips me in two
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To shield you from my regrets and mistakes
Because the path you’ll take
Is filled with your own
I wish I would guard you against them
But that’s a battle you’ll never face alone
So I say
And keep that smile upon your brilliant face
You’ve always made mommy proud
It’s time for Mommy to return the favor
And join you
For Mommy knows you were born for greatness
But Mommy can’t set the path for you
It’s for you to choose
To be a champion in your own right
Painful it might
But for me
I’m proudest when watching you fly
And when you’re designing your blueprint at night
With your dreams
To My Child
With a mile long smile
I, your mommy
Will always be proud
Scarred and Faceless
So, I’m working on my second book. And it’s…draining, to say the least. When creating something, you put a piece of yourself inside of your work. Whether you are a photographer, painter, drawer, dancer, singer, writer, etc, we are all artist. Putting yourself out there is so ridiculously scary. It’s like putting yourself on display for everyone to see. Because that’s exactly what we’re doing. It’s horrifying letting people in like that because who wants to be that vulnerable ever?
So why do we do it?
There is this thing inside of me, inside of all of us. Our need to create. Our need to explore. Our need to test boundaries and open ourselves up to exposure and criticism. It’s doesn’t come from a sane place. It comes from a place of chaos and need that is suppose to make us sane. Or keep us that way, or something resembling sanity.
So, I will continue to write. Whether or not I place myself on display will still be up for debate. Or should I say whenever I decide to put myself back on display, is up for debate. There’s still this need in me to express myself in a way that invites people to take pieces of me to examine. But the sooner this story is out of me, it will no longer “threatening the life it belongs to” (Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 am)).
So many cool points if you got that reference.
Until next we meet
Bleed and Exist,
Click here to pick up Scarred and Faceless
Previous Blog Post
Pardon my may absences. Life is a bit overwhelming. When things get rough I tend to push harder to try and get past it. The harder I try to push past this pain the worse things seem to get and it only once I am stumbling and rocking back and forth on the breaking point that I start to question my methods.
Why is it that self-care is always last on our list, even when we’re staring at the barrel of uncertainty and exhaustion? Why is it that we are last on our list of things to take care of? We give precedence to everything but ourselves. Why is that? What makes us put ourselves on the back burner?
When our car starts to go wrong we give it the once over to see what the source of the problem. When things are going rough in our lives we never give ourselves the once over. At least, I know I don’t. We as a whole, need to start taking better care of ourselves. We need to put ourselves first and take care of ourselves. Again, I know I do.
Here are self-care tips that I use when I feel burn out.
- Stop! I stop everything that I’m doing and take inventory as to how I’m feeling.
- Take a walk. I get moving and try to get outside to clear my head.
- Hug someone. Surround yourselves with those who love you and soak all of it in. Lean on each other.
- Journal. I write out my feelings that I dare not speak to anyone else. I get them out of my soul.
- Hydrate. The body functions better when it’s well hydrated.
- Listen to music. Listen to songs to life your mood or that will help the bad ones wash over you and then dissipate into nothingness.
- Bathe. Long hot showers and baths can work wonders on a wounded soul
- Exercise. I sweat out the anxiety and the bad feelings. I relish the rush of endorphins.
- Meditate. I try to focus on 10 minutes a day on my breathe. Longer on really bad days.
- Logic. I know that these feelings are only temporary and they can’t and don’t last forever.
I hope everything is okay with all of you. I hope you remember to always check in with yourself. Remember, YOU MATTER. The world is more beautiful with you in it.
Until we meet again stones,
Bleed and Exist